i forgot to tell you ! i got my hunting license i know knew me haha . i'm scared to shoot a gun :( they scare me and hurting little cute animals ! gosh it'll haunt me forever if i shoot bambi lol. but i did it for my dad and grandpa ill let you no how things go my first time(:

loveeeyou ;

caitlyn <3

hey bud its been awhile since i've been on here to talk to you. I've just been super busy :/ I've been thinking about you alot this past week because there was a boy named tyler who just died by his best friend- and alot of my friends are really good friends with him and it made me tink of you because watchingg them cry and seeing what they are going thru like made me relive on the day i found out about you ): but i've been trying to be there for my friends and letting them no everything will be okay and things will get better. since i know EXACTLY how they feel. i miss you bunches cayden (: i know youre in a better place looking down on us<3 but i gotta go kid talk to you laterrrrr !

iloveyouuu;

caitlynn .

Hey buddy as the special Holidays are creeping up on us know that you will be in my thoughts just like you always are.  I know that Halloween was your favorite Holiday coming in second was Christmas.  I sure will be missing not having you to go shopping with me to pick out what you liked the best.  I'm sure this year would be a little different with you being older.  Clothes would be at the top of your list along with a laptop I'm sure.  Then probally I would be buying your girlfriend something that you would have picked out. Thinking of all the past Christmas with you is what I do now.  Remembering how happy Grandpa and I would make you by getting you everything you wanted.  I will never regret getting you it all even though many said I spoiled you.  I am glad I did.

 Will be baking cookies with my sister's and I will be sure to make your favorite.  Hope you liked what I put up on grave even though you can't get it you can see what I did.  Everyone misses and grieves in different ways when they loose a love one...but for me I lost a big part of my life  YOU !!!  I still have my life just not as fullfilled as when you were down here.  We had so much together that some just don't understand my feelings.

Be with the ones that miss you during the upcoming holidays and know that you are NEVER far from my mind.  I love you !!!! XXXOOO

Cayden it's been beautiful out! This has been the Fall weather I love! We've been outside as much as we can. Loggy loves it outside too! He tries so hard to keep up with Landen and Keegan just like they used to do with you! The boys ride either the monster truck or the John Deere tractor down the sidewalk into a huge leaf pile by the creek. The faster they go the harder Logan laughs. It's so funny.

Keegan is sick right now. He doens't have H1N1 though just a continuous cough and he ran a low grade fever Sunday evening. Landen and Loggy have a dry cough but that's about it for now. Pap has been pretty sick. They were able to get him started on Tamaflu within the first 48 hours. They think that's helped him not get too much worse. It's so scary. I've been back and forth on vaccinating the kids with the shot. I've researched it and researched it...and I just can't decide the best way to go. 

Your dad and I are starting to get ready for Christmas. We've talked a lot about things and he thinks he might do better at Christmas this year. It's never easy Cayden...not have your pile under the tree not shopping for our teenager...it's never easy! I know you would be older now but every single time I go into Toys R Us I go back to where you always went first  and think about what you had picked out and remember standing right there with you not too long before the accident... We all have memories like that in everything we do. There is always something that has some connection to you..some reminder of a memory we hold onto!

Cayden there are some things that will never change and there are people that will never change...but the one thing we need to remember is that we are all connected to you in one way or another. That we all played a role in your life. There isn't one person that moarns your lose or cares more than anyone else...we all lost you and we all love you! You are what matters and nothing else...

I love you Cayden!   

Cayden

         You wouldn't believe how many people on facebook that I have told about you and your web site.  Many have gone on here and lit candles.  I have been sending many informational packets out to this people. I'm so glad that they are asking for them. I told them how I go to the Schools with your Dad and have a parade where as many as 130 participated.  They thought it was wonderful how I keep your memory alive while educating the public about "THE CHOKING GAME" They are so nice and sincere. 

 They said they could tell how close we were just by the way I was talking.  One facebook friend that i met from North Caroline put your web page on her Home Page of facebook.  Another person lived in India so now they have the information.  Glad I can connect with people from everywhere because this way I spread the awareness at the same time

I told Lisa from NC that you were the best in everything you ever tried to do. She said you were a loving young boy and that she is so sorry that I have to live with the pain of not having you here anymore.  I told her I had many memories...so many that they will last me until we meet again.

Spoke to IAn on the phone yesterday it was his Birthday I'm going to be picking him up from the airport as he is coming here for awhile.

Gota go to bed keep me in your dreams as I keep you in mine.  Love you so much and miss you with everything that I have.

Tonight is the big party! The yard is all decorated and now most of the garage is too, due to this lovely weather ;) It will be a good time no matter what...between the family, our close friends, and all the kids there should be some pretty good laughs and costumes...Uncle Scott is coming as 'The Bullrider'...it's a surprise, your dad has no idea and we are all counting on it taking your dad about two seconds to take him down once he sees him! I've gathered up a pair of his fight shorts gloves champion belt and the infamous cowboy hat...it's going to be too funny for sure! The boys can't wait to get up there!

This Halloween weekend has been so fun but you're so greatly missed by us all! You are with us in spirit and in our hearts, always!

The news cast that aired Thursday evening on the choking game turned out very well. I think Meghan did a wonderful job and it was a very powerful segment! It's very hard to talk about the night we lost you but it's so important to do! I hope we made you proud babe.

Happy Halloween!

I love you!

Hey buddy trick n treat will be coming on Thursday Night down here. I am going to miss not taking you out like I always did. But then again I am sure you would have been with your friends and not me at the age you would have been you wouldn't have wanted Grandma with you. Wonder what you would have been or if you would have even wanted to go out. I remember you said you wanted to make my yard really scarey and pass out the candy.

I miss you all the time each and everyday...it's just when special times come around of the times we spent together they are harder. I will not forget those as I am sure your Dad doesn't either. He painted your face the last year.  Just letting you know you will always be a part in everything down here.

Love you and miss you so much

XXXOOO

Cayden, it was another beautiful fall day down here! The kids sure enjoyed it! I took Logan and Lukie for a walk w/ Emma this afternoon, while all the big kids were at school...everyone else was out sick today.

Cayden, I believe in my heart that from the moment we are created, God knows every deatil about our lives, down to the number of hairs we have on our heads... I believe he does know exactly how long we will be here on Earth, from the moment we are born.......that God did know you were only going to be here twelve short years, but I do not believe for one second, that the way we all lost you, was an act of God...I do not know why God allowed the accident to happen... that is something I will have to wait to understand...but I do know in my heart, exactly the root of the pain you did suffer, while you were down here  ...and how easily it could have all been resolved, at the very least 'worked' on!   God works in mysterious ways, more mysterious than I could ever imagine! Even though it was such a short time, God did bless us and trust us with you,  in our lives day in and day out...and that I will be forever thankful for! 

I know a piece of you will live on in all of us, especially your siblings! I love you! Have a wonderful night w/ the angels! 

Hey babe we are getting ready to get Logan's 1 year pictures done. Then we are heading for Toys R Us...the boys are going to pick out some Christmas presents and get ideas for their wishlists...just like we all used to do!  I started my shopping already I have to start early because I couldn't afford it all at once!

Caleb was tested and diagnosed w/ the Influenza A which is the same as H1N1...so that's been scary. He has felt like a mack truck hit him! He lost nearly 10 pounds in one week and it has lingered for weeks. He's missed a ton of school and just can't seem to get completly over this. There is so much hype about all the flu bugs this winter I'm freaking out! If people in the family thought I was OCD before well it's about to get worse...for sure!

The cemetary is starting to get the seasonal gloomy look already and winter is not even really here yet! I'll try and find something to spice it up.

Cayden I hope when you look down and check on all of us down here... you are proud of what you see! There is always something going on and sometimes it's better to let it go...it's just hard for me to truly get over some things!

I love you! The boys send their hugs to Heaven always!

Cayden going through your tote today.  So many papers from when you were in School I even have drawings that you had made for me while you were at Playmate Daycare.  Little things like this make me so glad that I had such a big part of your life.  Taking you to Daycare when Dad had to work oh how those days were grand.

Seeing pictures of you and Daddy doing things together like when you rode sheep and Dad rode bulls and you both were all decked out in your cowboy attire then when you would go hunting in your hunting clothes. Hunting season is just around the corner and I know how much your Dad will miss not being able to have his Bud with him. Let him know that you are with him in spirit.  He will always have you in his heart and mind.

I am having Mark's mom make something special for me it will be all about you and it will make me feel that you are close to me each and every night. Which I have those nights now just knowing that in every day you are with me in some way.

Sharing your memories with everyone of the times we had are what keeps me going. I was so blessed to have had you for the 12 years only wished it could have been more. 

The moment that I knew you had died my heart split into. The one side filled with memoriesthe other died with you. I often lay awake at nightwhen the world is fast asleep. And take a walk down memorylane with tears upon my cheek. Remembering you is easy I do it everyday. But missing you is a heartache that never goes away. I hold you tightly within my heartand there you will reamain. Life has gone on without you but it never will be the same.

I think about you all the time. Have a good day and don't practice too hard for your next heavenly game.

Courtney and Joe's new baby girl Pyper Elizabeth is doing better. She has gained a few ounces, and may even be able to come home this weekend...She came 5 1/2 weeks early totally unexpected! Deana and Jason's baby girl, Piper Annalynn, is scheduled to be taken 5 weeks early also on November 2...so we're praying that she will be ok too!!!

Landen read his first book from school all by himself last night! It was huge news around here...he was so proud of himself. He was so happy I almost cried...I did a little but he couldn't tell! WE went to nan and paps and he read it to them, we called daddy at work, we called Tiff...it was so exciting!

If Loggy's lump isn't gone by Friday, I'm taking him back and getting Xrays done..waiting three weeks just isn't going to happen. It's awfully easy for someone, w/ no children, to tell a parent to wait to see what a suspicious lump, on their baby, does over the next few weeks...I need answers, waiting around is for the birds...not for my kiddos!

Your dad is hunting w/ Jason Hand tonight. They are total dorks! They actually enjoy hunting in nasty weather, sleeping in a RAT infested camper, that stays year round in a middle of a field, out in the middle of no where, that the mice have eaten a hole in the floor of the 'camper'...it would be cleaner and safer for their health to sleep in a tent!  but whatever floats their boat!

Well babe I have to go pack buckets and clean up and head to bed...Good night and I love you always!

Last Night was a good night. Watch TV and had popcorn with peanutbutter sandwhiches just like you use to have me fix.  Talked to Mark about how things would have been if you would have survived that night.  What did he think you would have looked like today how many girlfriends you would have had what postion you'd be playing on the football team who your friends would be?  So many things that I think about Cayden.

You rocked my world my world was complete when you were here....now well you know what it is like you see me each day down here.  Know that I know you are having a good time up there with all new friends with no worries of what tomorrow will bring.  Happiness is what I always wanted for you and down here I know that I gave that to you.

Loving you Always and missing you forever.  "YOU WERE THE BEST CAYDEN IN MY EYES"

Hey babe! Logan's birthday party went pretty well. The kids all enjoyed themselves. It ended up being a beauitful fall day...between the treasure hunt, the jump house, and the trampoline it seemed there was enough to keep the kids occupied...of course Landen Keegan Peyton and Lex had to play and build a 'house' down the creek. Your dad enjoyed managing his new grill. It was hard visiting w/ everyone b/c there is so much that needs done at parties. Loggy had fun and that's all that matters!......For the most part the party was fun!

Loggy bear had his one year shots today...it's always so hard to hold down your baby while they're looking up at you like 'pick me up why are you doing this to me'...it 's awful. He's still napping! Logan has a lump on his little leg. The doctor thinks possibly he may have bumped it while crawling but if it's still there in a couple weeks they are sending us for X-Rays...I am trying not to totally freak out but it's hard for me not to! I'm praying it's just some internal bruise or not from a bump...watch over him please!

Landen and Keegan are stoked for the Halloween party! It's all they are talking about! We are going to have a pretty nice turn out! I was going to be a patient w/ a gown that has the fake butt cheeks hanging out in the back...the boys LOVED it! But Mike and Megan are coming now so we might go as a theme...Mike and your dad might be a priest and a pope and Megan and me might be pregnant nuns....too funny! The hat your dad would wear alone is hysterical!

Cayden there isn't a day that goes by that you are not talked about...sometimes it brings a smile and others tears... You left us way too soon but the memories we all made in those short years will last a lifetime! 

Hey Cayden just wanted to say Thanks.  I know you must have sent us to this one lighthouse.  The lady who lives there name is Julie Gallagher she said she knew that I had lost a loved one she too did.  This lady was a beautiful lady. We talked about youand what had happened she was sorry she even cried. I gave her a pamphlet and a bracelet as she has a 10 year old daughter.

Many things have taken place since you have went to heaven.  Many good and many bad but I guess that is part of life and you just live with it.  The same as some die young others get old.  I miss you so much buddy I don't think some know just how close you and I were... who and what you had become was the greatest I couldn't have asked for a more special Angel then the Angel that left earth and went to heaven.  I always told your Dad you were an Angel and that you are.

Loving you always and never far from my heart or mind.

XXXOOO

Still on the road but nothing stops me from spreading awarness about "THE CHOKING GAME".  I handed out some more informational pamphlets again today you are never far from my mind.  Your memory of what & who you were will never FADE from my mind. You will always me in my HEART.  

Have a good day Cayden and always know that I loved you with everything that I had and will continue to love you.  Miss seeing your wonderful smile and hearing your beautiful laughter.  Know that I can always feel you around  me.  LOVE YOU TILL I SEE YOU AGAIN.  XXXOOO

Been going along the east coast theirs alot to see.  As I stare out into the ocean I think of how much fun we had when we went to Flordia. Then I look up into the skies and know you are in a better place. I miss you and wish that you were here with me.  Everything I do you are always on my mind and that will never change. You were a big part of what I was and what I was about and that is gone now since you left. Noone to share that with now but I will be with you again and it will begin again only this time it will be forever.

I brought some of the pamphlets and have given them out to people spoke to a firefighter in Portland and he said 4 people had died playing this same game just in the last 6 months. He said so many children think it's safe.  I gave him a phamplet he said keep up the good work.  I will Cayden I won't stop talking about what took you from me. I make this a part of my life now even though I do other things this is right up there.  I have more ideas in spreading awarness of this game and soon I will be taking off and doing it.  Little planning has to take place first.  Gotta go get on the road.

Miss You & Love You so much

Hey buddy fall is here and we're loving it! It's a breezy beautiful day down here. Remembering all the things we used to do...missing you so much!

Keegan is playing soccer. He is always staying active in some sport. He is getting a little bit taller not much though. Landen is doing great in school much to my surprise! He is getting a lot of S+ and rewards for his good behavior and helping others I'm so proud of him! Logan has taken two steps and is growing too fast! He's so funny!

Loggy bear's big 1st birthday is coming up! We're having a cookout and inviting everyone over. Nothing too fancy I'm setting up corn- hole for the adults and having a few games for the little ones just planning on having a fun fall day outside! You will be here in our hearts and in spirit like always!

I love you!!!